mixed emotions

JOYFUL
i like my job again.
i actually enjoy going to the area and having an adventure.
i actually want to do something more than just what we have plotted on paper.

thanks to the youth participants of kalindogan 2006. their idealism and hope for the future were infectious. thus served as catalyst for the good feelings i have for my work right now.

riding a disposable bamboo raft, an ututin horse and a itchy carabao for work was just too fun, that i feel buoyant about my last trip.

CONFUSED. but not quite.
questions. questions. questions. to go or not to go.

i have been provided the opportunity to be reassigned to manila.
which means i can be near jan. i can have education in a classroom (as opposed to online education). i can travel abroad or palawan at a lesser cost.

but staying in davao far outweighs the possible benefits i will receive and the change in title that i will have.
because davao means spending quantity (if not quality) time with mom. leaving home at 845 and still be at work on time. getting home at 7pm (at nakadaan na ako ng SM niyan!). savings because i need not pay rent and transport is much cheaper here. the family feeling when i'm in the office.

basically, i have better quality life here than in manila. and more than having a better title and benefits, i like the peace and quiet i have here compared to the angst i constantly faced when i was working in manila. mostly due to stess of travel and socialization (seriously! it can sometimes stress me out.) plus, i am so not into the corporate set-up of our main office. that could just be a reason if ever i resign.

so the answer is not to go. (unless patusin ng admin yung condition ko that i stay in davao half the time, then i would have to reassess my decision).

VERY SAD
one of our teachers in midsalip just committed suicide.

her brother found her hanging from their house, with her one year old baby holding on to her legs. he was able to bring her down alive, but they still weren't able to save her. our partner and their teachers were quite affected by what happened because there was just no sign from her. though she did share a bit about her family problems, she was projecting herself as coping with the problem. they are trying to move on even with the mourning.

i really feel terrible when i hear news of people taking their own lives. especially since there was a time that it was always on my mind. suicide as an escape from a harsh, bitter life or to at least have people acknowledge your REAL-ity, a desperate KSP measure. but then, it was all just thought. because i know i can't bear to hurt people or God that way.

yet when i hear of it, it pains me. to know a person who has lost all hope in life, and all faith in people and in God.

please include in your prayers Ms. Rosalie R. Dag-uman.

dear sally, may your soul find its peace that it did not find on earth. you have my prayers.

datu

FIRST ENCOUNTER

Mahayag.
Brgy. St. Peter.
Malaybalay City.

That is where we first met. He stood out from the rest of the people in the community as he was the only one garbed in a traditional Bukidnon vest and datu headgear. His wife was equally noticeable adorned with the many colorful beaded necklaces, bracelets and earrings.

The several times I visited their sitio, they were always together. I found it sweet when they would walk together to the barangay hall to be present in the activities our partner organization there would prepare. Both hardly understood Cebuano, and could only speak their native language. But their presence were always felt.

And when he spoke, though I hardly understood the words, I could feel the spirit of his message inspiring me and other people present as well.

I only knew him as Datu.*****

HIS PLEA TO THE YOUNG

He was asked to address the crowd after the so-called VIPs from World Bank, the Japanese Embassy and other funders, gave their speeches. Again, he could not be understood as he spoke in Binukid. Somebody was to interpret him afterwards. But while he spoke, I could decipher some words. He was apologizing for not understanding or speaking Cebuano, Tagalog or English. And somewhere in the middle, he was talking about education and that the young IPs must take advantage of it. But I was sure there were a lot of other things I missed.

Cristoto, a young Higaonon from Agusan del Sur, translated for him. Datu had said some of the things I understood and more. He told the story of his youth when he was not able to go to school because his parents would not let him. School was something to be feared, as well as mingling with lowlanders. And how he wished that we has able to study, even for just the simple reason of writing his name. At his old age, he could not write his name. He could not read either. And if there was an opportunity, he would learn how to write. Once he can write his name, he will be happy. And because he couldn’t read and write, he wanted to go to Davao to perform the ritual because that is something any of those who can read or write do. He wanted to share something to he had even if he was illiterate. Datu also asked the young children to take advantage of the opportunity to learn, because it was something he was deprived of.

After the translation, I was teary-eyed. In a way, I was affirmed with the work I am doing. What joy it is for many parents who were unschooled that their children can write their names. That so-simple thing to us, is something that matters so much to them.

Indeed, Datu is an inspiration to me, and I hope to the Kalindogan participants as well. He is a man of wisdom, taught by nature and his experience. In a way, he knows much much more than any person with PhD can ever know.

*****

THE DATU CHILD

Since he could hardly understand the words from the speeches and sharings, he probably took in the experience of the Kalindogan in another way that tech-age people can never comprehend. He was most of the time, walking around the venue, observing the people and the things happening. I often kept watch of him, curious as to how he is taking in everything.

One time, during the reporting of the participants, the video cam was left on the tripod to take footages. The viewfinder was open. And there was datu looking intently at the little window where little people were talking. I wonder what he was thinking of that little silver box with people. Redg captured that moment with a photo.

He was probably the most photographed person in that event. And we wanted to show him his photos so Redg printed them out for him. When I handed it to him, he smiled like a child, happy seeing himself on paper. He looked at the photos intently, studying himself in different poses. When we told him it was his, he folded it and stood up. We presumed he was to keep put it with the rest of his belongings.

Redg also taught him how to use the camera. And everytime he took a photo, he would show it to Redg as if showing off. He clicked away, smiling at every shot he took.

The funniest, cutest moment was when we had the video conference with the IPs of Luzon. There were two screens set-up, one to show the Mindanao group and another for Luzon. During the night, there was a test run between the hosts. Datu was wondering where the people were coming from, that he peeped behind the sheets to see if there were people behind it. :)

It was great to see how people like the Datu still learn new things, and look at it with such wonder, innocence and purity.

I was glad to have had Datu take part of the Kalindogan. He showed us that there were always new things to learn. That knowledge and wisdom are two different things, and one is more important than the other. He is definitely one of the people who have made an impact on me, though we hardly spoke.

* * * * *

I was supposed to post about the ritual he performed, but I failed to post a photo of it. So that will come tomorrow.

All photos except one, courtesy of Redg. Last photo is courtesy of Jerry.