mixed emotions

JOYFUL
i like my job again.
i actually enjoy going to the area and having an adventure.
i actually want to do something more than just what we have plotted on paper.

thanks to the youth participants of kalindogan 2006. their idealism and hope for the future were infectious. thus served as catalyst for the good feelings i have for my work right now.

riding a disposable bamboo raft, an ututin horse and a itchy carabao for work was just too fun, that i feel buoyant about my last trip.

CONFUSED. but not quite.
questions. questions. questions. to go or not to go.

i have been provided the opportunity to be reassigned to manila.
which means i can be near jan. i can have education in a classroom (as opposed to online education). i can travel abroad or palawan at a lesser cost.

but staying in davao far outweighs the possible benefits i will receive and the change in title that i will have.
because davao means spending quantity (if not quality) time with mom. leaving home at 845 and still be at work on time. getting home at 7pm (at nakadaan na ako ng SM niyan!). savings because i need not pay rent and transport is much cheaper here. the family feeling when i'm in the office.

basically, i have better quality life here than in manila. and more than having a better title and benefits, i like the peace and quiet i have here compared to the angst i constantly faced when i was working in manila. mostly due to stess of travel and socialization (seriously! it can sometimes stress me out.) plus, i am so not into the corporate set-up of our main office. that could just be a reason if ever i resign.

so the answer is not to go. (unless patusin ng admin yung condition ko that i stay in davao half the time, then i would have to reassess my decision).

VERY SAD
one of our teachers in midsalip just committed suicide.

her brother found her hanging from their house, with her one year old baby holding on to her legs. he was able to bring her down alive, but they still weren't able to save her. our partner and their teachers were quite affected by what happened because there was just no sign from her. though she did share a bit about her family problems, she was projecting herself as coping with the problem. they are trying to move on even with the mourning.

i really feel terrible when i hear news of people taking their own lives. especially since there was a time that it was always on my mind. suicide as an escape from a harsh, bitter life or to at least have people acknowledge your REAL-ity, a desperate KSP measure. but then, it was all just thought. because i know i can't bear to hurt people or God that way.

yet when i hear of it, it pains me. to know a person who has lost all hope in life, and all faith in people and in God.

please include in your prayers Ms. Rosalie R. Dag-uman.

dear sally, may your soul find its peace that it did not find on earth. you have my prayers.