:)

it has been more than a week that i find myself suddenly breaking into a smile, heart beating to a merry tune. reading and re-reading such beautifully written words, looking at staring at a wonderfully-crafted gift. night after night, i am reminded of my blessing.

it was amazing.

but what was more amazing was the joy of those around me. i never thought my story would have made eyes tear up, nor bring out shrieks and shrills.

joy is more joyful when shared. i know that now.

thanks you, guys. :)

grasya

the past few days i have been overwhelmed by unexpected kindness. people have been generous of their time and their resources with me. i have received wonderful gifts that i truly enjoy. i have received answers that have been very useful. i have received advice for something i really need.

just today, as i was about to leave from the training that i was facilitating for our teachers, two teachers gave me nicely packaged organic rice. then another partner came calling as i was walking to the gate carrying a bunch of calla lilies. things that i did not ask for but greatly appreciate.

my heart is overwhelming with gratitude. to those good friends who have been so kind and generous that i don't know how to repay. to other good friends who have shared their experience and advise to help me try for my dream. to work partners who have treated me like family. i feel so undeserving of all of these. i can only hope to repay you, or at least pay it forward to others.

thank you.

(at the back of my mind, i can imagine how much more generous God has been to me. at least to these people i have shown my gratitude. i know i sometimes forget to extend my thankfulness to He who truly loves me.)

post-glorietta bombing entry

my bro texted around 2pm last friday to inform me he was okay and wasn't in glorietta when the bombing happened. and i went, huh? there's a bombing. i'm glad you're safe. what happened? yada-yada-yada.

the news wasn't on inquirer.net nor on philstar.com yet. but jan was able to find the story on yahoo. after reading the story, i was near-angry, especially after the possibility of terrorist threats. if it were an accident... one can only do so much to prevent it. but something as deliberate as a bomb attack... it's plain despicable.

it's despicable when the MRT was bombed. it was more despicable when the superferry was bombed. it was hateful when a kidapawan wet market was bombed killing mostly children. it is hateful when the weena bus line gets hit twice or thrice a year.

pusa nggala sa sinuman ang gumawa ng lahat ng ito! what is the point of hitting civilians who may not even give a care for the religious or political divide that there is? most people are just trying to live their lives as normally as they can without all these macro-drama. most people just go by each day by keeping relationships, earning a living, thinking of their families. most people have nothing to do about cessation or communism or government drama. LEAVE THE CIVILIANS ALONE, YOU d!p$#!+$! magpataasan kayo ng ihi, magpatigasan kayo ng ____, pero mga letse kayo... tigilan niyo kaming walang kinalaman sa gulo ninyo! biktima na kami kahit wala pang bomba... pero para kunin ang buhay namin? ano ang napala niyo? mas masaya ba kayo? nakuha niyo na ba ang mindanao? nakitil niyo ba ang buhay ng gobyerno? nasupil ba ang mga kalaban? naayos niyo ba ang buhay ng mga mamamayan? ano? WALA PA RING NANGYAYARI!!! KAHIT ILANG BOMBA PA IPASABOG NINYO, WALANG MANGYAYARI! KAYA TIGILAN NIYO NA KAMI!

* * * * *
update (evening on the day of this entry)
i may have come across harshly against our muslim brothers. i apologize. this statement was meant for muslim extremists, NPAs and especially to the government. like i replied to diane, 80% of me thinks the government has something to do with what happened. this anger is aimed at anyone who uses violence and terrorism as a way to get a point across. my heart goes to all the victims and their families who have perished in similar incidents like the glorietta bombing. and i pray that my friends and family and myself are kept away from harm.

a sudden calm

for the last two weeks that i have been down with breathing problems (which the doctor attributed to mild asthma) and icky feeling of weakness, as well as the stress over school requirements... the tension was palpable. my heart constantly beat to a rhythm faster that appropriate. then last night, a sudden feeling of calm.

i got home.
no one was there.
mom in the US. the helper in school. our boarder still at work.
an hour from then, a frisbee game i wanted to be in would start.

i took the cold adobo and three spoons of rice (i'm not a rice person) and heated them in the microwave.
i ate and went to my mom's room (where i have been camping in since she left), opened the TV to Ysabella, got my books out and started working on the easier assignment.

and then a sudden sense of calm.
i can do this. i can do my paper for school. i can do my presentation for work. i can do my other paper for the end of july.
i can take care of myself. i can be with people. i can be on my own.
i can have peace in the silence of my home.
i enjoy being with people. but i can be with myself.

a sudden sense of calm.
everything will be all right.
my family.
my friends.
my work.
me.

all will be all right.
a sudden sense of calm.
and the scent of something new.

i wonder.

but i will not linger on the thought.

PAL Flight PR 8137

My original flight at 4PM was PR 813. But PAL living up to its name of Plane Always Late, it was changed to PR 8137. The seven must have been gotten from the number of hours our flight was late. Nakamshet. I ended up leaving manila at 11PM! What could be worse than that? Oh, just waiting 12 hours to take your flight. Just like what happened to my boss.

What pisses me off was not the delay per se. Unforeseen circumstances are exactly that - unforeseen. Nobody wants to be delayed. Not the passengers. Not the airport staff. Especially not PAL. As it is costly. My new friend and I (even anti-social people like me would end up with a kindred spirit when stuck seven hours in a closed space. our ties being... we were on the same flight. and uh, she went up to me first. i'd have finished the book i had with me. and would even read it twice over just to avoid approaching strangers.) even ended up stuffing ourselves with an arroz caldo snack (which is more lugaw as it doesn't contain anything but rice and no chicken. baka nga am pa!) and a pork barbecue meal from St. Cinammon (sagot ng PAL syempre), plus airport snack (the usual biscuit and Nutrilicious) and KFC two-piece meal (not bad!) provided by PAL.

What pisses me off is that deception was happening throughout the seven hours we were waiting. We were informed at 330 that the flight was going to be delayed and we were leaving 630. So, okay. Typical of PAL and not unexpected. And I can still catch the frisbee game in Agro. By the time it was 6PM, another announcement was made that we will be leaving at 845 instead. Whadapacksyetisdis? So I thought, okay so no more game for me. But I will still be able to catch the 1130 rerun of American Idol. By the time it was 730, Eli (the new friend) got news that the plane was leaving at 1045. This was before any announcement was made.

Apparently, by 6PM PAL already knew that the flight would be leaving at 1045, but were making announcement of increments of two hours for the delay, which we assume was probably to avoid any responsibility of housing the passengers. Pusanggala! Ano yan? That pissed me off sooooo much. I wanted to go to the management and pick a fight. But Eli was stopping me.

I, for one, just really needed to vent my irritation at the situation. My trip last December with Cebu Pacific was also four hours delayed. And after all those wasted time, all they give you is an apology and if you're lucky, a snack.

For this particular event, if PAL already knew we were leaving at 11PM by six o'clock, they should just have told us. They should have just given us the option of going out for a proper dinner or to go back home or to just get out of the airport to take a breath. I could have spent some more quality and quantity time with Jan! Or watched Rome and Juliet (mehn, two of the hottest actresses i'm kinda lusting after playing lesbian lovers. hot pare!). Or Music and Lyrics. Or something other then sitting on the cold steel seats of the airport, hiding along with new found friend (long story, bloggable but I won't bother. best told live.), wasting hard earned pesoses informing people about the delay. Agh. I mean, it could be that they are obliged to house us which would entail a very large expense. But heck, how many people riding the plane would know that? I'd think it, but I wouldn't know for sure. Unless by some serendipity convenient for the passengers there's a consumer lawyer present (mon salas, reason to ponder some more on that consumer watch NGO. hehe!) for that flight.

And here's what really, really, really gets my goat. Why is it that when a passenger does not make it on time for the check-in, we are forced to pay a no-show fee plus an additional amount when we change flights when these effin' airlines can delay the passengers for hours and hours and hours on end and just give an apology and some food? Where's the justice in that? Nakakainis lang talaga!

I understand that inconveniences other passengers should one come late. But still, they are taking advantage of the people!!! Dapat, dapat, dapat... if their flights are late for an hour, or even two, they should provide their passengers with a No-Show Fee Waiver Card for Your Next Flight much like a Get Out of Jail Card in Monopoly. Just to balance things out. Hello! Time is Gold kaya. The seven hours they delayed us is almost a full day of work, a sufficient amount of rest, quality time with friends and family... Time is too priceless to be wasted on an airport terminal! Unless you're Tom Hanks.

But typically Filipino, most of the people were still calmly waiting in their seats. Definitely a lot of complaints here and there, but I don't think there were any threats of a class suit or anything like that. People were adjusting their schedules according to the delay. New friends were made (like me). More people were smiling or just quiet rather then intensely angry. It's really such a Pinoy attitude - c'est la vie... that's life. No wonder GMA keeps pushing and pushing us, because we just complain in our seats but stop there and move on smiling to ourselves and think, "maybe this delay happened for a reason. If we left on time, our plane would have crashed." Soooooo Pinoy talaga.

And typically Filipino, it makes me glad I'm one.

That's another notch up for the Philippine happiness index. Sheesh.

tearjerker

i've only been a follower of american idol since last year. and it was by only accident. while channel switching, i passed through the show where another weird audition was taking place (what's new?). and suddenly it dawned on me why my friends are so hot about it.

last week, AI had me in tears. not from belly-aching laughter, but rather from a genuine touching moment you would never expect from the show.

sherman pore, a 64-year old widower, lined up with other thousands of hopefuls despite the obvious age constrait. with his petition from friends and family in tow, he made it to the audition room. the act was a pledge to his lady love, who passed away two days before the audition.

while watching, i couldn't help but sigh and say to myself, "true love can exist. it exists. even with americans. (hehe!)." through this suave romantic senior crooning beautifully and heartfully to his wife.

the video of the audition has been already been removed from youtube. but i found a clip here. watch it, shed a tear (join paula abdul. and me) and sigh. and believe in love.

(hopefully, we got to see more of this guy. a guest performance at the season end, perhaps? or an album even. hey, william hung had one.)

* * * * *
UPDATE: I was unaware that there was a petition regarding an apperance of sherman pore during the finale when I made the previous statement. Meron pala. Here o. Could I sign even if I'm not kano?

dalawang taon

who woulda thunk? ;p

though in some sort of creepy but joyful way, lotsapeoplethunk.

mixed emotions

JOYFUL
i like my job again.
i actually enjoy going to the area and having an adventure.
i actually want to do something more than just what we have plotted on paper.

thanks to the youth participants of kalindogan 2006. their idealism and hope for the future were infectious. thus served as catalyst for the good feelings i have for my work right now.

riding a disposable bamboo raft, an ututin horse and a itchy carabao for work was just too fun, that i feel buoyant about my last trip.

CONFUSED. but not quite.
questions. questions. questions. to go or not to go.

i have been provided the opportunity to be reassigned to manila.
which means i can be near jan. i can have education in a classroom (as opposed to online education). i can travel abroad or palawan at a lesser cost.

but staying in davao far outweighs the possible benefits i will receive and the change in title that i will have.
because davao means spending quantity (if not quality) time with mom. leaving home at 845 and still be at work on time. getting home at 7pm (at nakadaan na ako ng SM niyan!). savings because i need not pay rent and transport is much cheaper here. the family feeling when i'm in the office.

basically, i have better quality life here than in manila. and more than having a better title and benefits, i like the peace and quiet i have here compared to the angst i constantly faced when i was working in manila. mostly due to stess of travel and socialization (seriously! it can sometimes stress me out.) plus, i am so not into the corporate set-up of our main office. that could just be a reason if ever i resign.

so the answer is not to go. (unless patusin ng admin yung condition ko that i stay in davao half the time, then i would have to reassess my decision).

VERY SAD
one of our teachers in midsalip just committed suicide.

her brother found her hanging from their house, with her one year old baby holding on to her legs. he was able to bring her down alive, but they still weren't able to save her. our partner and their teachers were quite affected by what happened because there was just no sign from her. though she did share a bit about her family problems, she was projecting herself as coping with the problem. they are trying to move on even with the mourning.

i really feel terrible when i hear news of people taking their own lives. especially since there was a time that it was always on my mind. suicide as an escape from a harsh, bitter life or to at least have people acknowledge your REAL-ity, a desperate KSP measure. but then, it was all just thought. because i know i can't bear to hurt people or God that way.

yet when i hear of it, it pains me. to know a person who has lost all hope in life, and all faith in people and in God.

please include in your prayers Ms. Rosalie R. Dag-uman.

dear sally, may your soul find its peace that it did not find on earth. you have my prayers.