magnolia fragrance

as i have already posted, i wasn't entirely psyched up for my tawi-tawi trip. so the day i was to fly to zamboanga, it was just like going to the office except earlier. the excitement of going to a new place continued to elude me.

it was not until the plane landed at the airport that i know i would be in a different frontier. while porters were selling themselves to potential customers, i could hear snatches of chavacano being spoken. they could talk about dumping me in the middle of the ocean and i wouldn't know.

anyway, my life could have been easier by taking a more convenient plane ride to jolo if not for the slight bad luck i had. i flew to zamboanga on a thursday where the plane would arrive at 1010 AM. the plane to jolo was scheduled to leave at 1025 AM. gah.

i could have taken the next day flight to jolo, right? seair does have daily trips they claim. ah. daily except fridays. dangnabit!!!

so i had to take a boat. less convenient and time-consuming, but something i wasn't entirely afraid of. boats, once upon a time, was my main mode of transportation going around in the philippines. particularly during the two years of my volunteer year and another two years as JVP program staff. i've ridden all sorts of boats, in various shapes and sizes. i endured being bunked under the pipes of the superferry in the economy section near the engine. so i was ready for a boat. or so i thought.

nothing could have prepared me for magnolia fragrance.

* * * * *

magnolia fragrance seemed a harmless enough name for a ship. so i didn't give it much thought. though i did picture a scoop of mocha ice cream at some point.

my ticket indicated departure at 7PM, so omar and i had to rush to the pier as it was already 620 by the time i finished cleaning up and repacking. when we got to the pier, we passed by several boats. each getting more dismal looking and bordering on scary as we walked on. guess where we found MF. at the very end.

i literally stopped in my tracks as i entered the ship. it was like an evacuation center! mothers, children, smoking men, luggages, food and malong spreads were sprawled all over their beds. instead of the usual double decker bunks i was used to, there were tarpaulin folding beds. at least they were of the thick kind and could hold up my weight. but that wasn't the worst part. they were side by side by side with each other. there wasn't any space in between beds at all. no such thing as personal space existed in magnolia fragrance.

and they also took a quick look at me when i passed by to look for a spot with less people. one thing was clear, i did not look anything Tausug, Badjao or Sama (Muslim in general), thusly I reeked Christian. though i was proud of my faith, i'm not sure if it was a good place to look different. especially with the things you hear on the news. especially since i was alone.

so i had to accept my fate. but i so wanted to go home. i so wanted to tell the nun that i will just take a saturday plane and meet them in bonggao. as long as i didn't have to go through what i imagined to be a horrendous boat ride. yet a part of me called for humility.

i tried to remember the logic of why JVP would place us in the economy section of a superferry, even if the volunteer is willing to pay for the upgrade in the accomodations. it would ground us, help us understand or at least see how the ordinary person lives.

though i fretted going on the trip alone, though i started scaring people about my situation (and i really wasn't blowing it out of proportion), though i could not imagine the next twelve hours on the boat, i stayed. i embraced my fate. i imagined myself two weeks from then sharing my harrowing experience on the boat, holding my pee for the entire trip, laughing at the entire thing and proud at having survived. i stayed.

but i didn't eat dinner. my double cheeseburger was untouched. my stomach was already churning from the waves, from the smell, from the nervousness. i never needed bonamine for a trip, but i took one for this. despite being overly priced at 20. i didn't want the already terrible looking boat to smell worse with my vomit.

* * * * *

a young lady stayed in a bed beside me. she had a 40-ish male companion with him. i talked to the girl a bit. and there came the dreaded question, "christian ka?" of course i answered in the affirmative. i really get bothered getting asked that question, neither do i want to ask that question to anyone. i respect other people's faith and i want to be respected as well. it shouldn't matter. but i guess where i was going it did.

for a brief moment, i had a vision of saints getting their nails pulled out while screaming their love for God. i thought to myself, would this happen to me? i am not worthy of such privilege, but the thought of martyrdom didn't attract me much. i do not hope for a time that it would be required of me. like i said, it is a privilege i an not worthy of.

so during our conversation, this girl tells me, "magulo sa jolo. may abu sayaff. laging may baril-baril." oh-kaaaay. thank you for making me feel better. and her companion was of no help at all. he kept leering at me, and even at one point asked for my address (you think you DOM?!!). when i finally got to sleep, i'd wake up in the middle of the night and find him staring at me. and at one time, i tried to challenge him with a staring contest so he'd be embarassed. damn shit! he continued staring. fucking asshole made me feel harassed without even touching me.

i mean, i don't like being stared at even if the guy was good looking. much more if you were 40-year old potbellied man with smoke induced-red eyes. i tell you, sleep wasn't something great.

and not to mention, the lady beside me borrowing my phone so she could text somebody to send her load to call. which started harmlessly enough with her asking me to text someone about the load. then suddenly my phone rings which happens to be for her. putsa, feeling close. and then, she asks if she could put her sim on my phone. to which i declined saying that i was texting with someone as well. but didn't have the heart to be totally evil that i volunteered to lend her the dilapidated 6150 that i used for my smart sim.

when i was getting it from her around the middle of the night, she said to wait because the load has not yet come. and i wanted to say "excuse me! at sa iyo ba iyan?" but lacking the spine didn't insist. but because of that i lost my one-week old smart sim which i bought so jan can call me via PLDT. part of the challenge to deal with the homesickness, i guess. finally at five in the morning she relented to returning it to me when i asked for it. damn shit. feeling kanya talaga ang telepono! excuse me, a priest used to own that.

* * * * *

i stayed on magnolia fragrance for two days. we had stop overs at jolo and bonggao where we had to be fetched because it wasn't very smart going out on your own. as the girl said, "may abu sayap." and the so many people have warned me, there is the kidnap-for-ransom and the kidnap-for-marriage. if that ever happened, i'm sure my mom would insist that i resign from my job! jeesh.

but i was humbled from jolo to bonggao, since Sr. Betty (the nun who was to be with me) and the Bishop rode the same boat. no complaints was heard and the bishop even offered to take my bunk which was separated from the rest of them. having the sin of pride, i declined and said i will sleep in my assigned bed and the bishop can stay with the rest of the group.

for ten hours i had to hold my pee before i got to bonggao because the restrooms were absolutely horrendous. the smell was enough to tell me that the sight was not something i would want to see and would stay with me in my nightmares if i bothered to look. i kept picturing that scene in trainspotting. *cringe*

and for the next twelve hours i had to endure with that man who chose another bunk near where i transferred to. i had to endure waking up seeing him looking. and it was not a good feeling at all. i wanted to slap him the face or worse, gouge out his eyes. but i needed to control myself. it was not my world, i was a guest. i had to take whatever crap thrown at me.

* * * * *

i thought my ordeal with magnolia fragrance would end in bonggao. unfortunately, we had to take her to sitangkay as well. but it was a time to count small blessings. the rest of the trip would only take four hours and she would finally be out of my hair.

* * * * *

like i said, magnolia fragrance was a test of humility. it was an equalizer. whether you are rich or poor, educated or ignorant, Christian or Muslim, you had no choice but magnolia fragrance. it was a sad kind of equality, but equality nonetheless. it felt terrible knowing that these people had little choice. that they had to take what was there because there wasn't anything else. at the same time, i had an idea that it was something they brought upon themselves as well. they had better boats before, but the people in power abused it. so those fast craft boats lost business and chose to transfer somewhere else.

if only people realized that. but they seemed to be okay with it. they seemed to have chosen to live with it, accepted it as an unchangeable reality. it's sad. worse, because it's true.

* * * * *

two days on board that boat. i was sure i had UTI by then. but i kept playing the jvp lessons i learned. observation and understanding before judgment. that is their life, and to judge it would be to judge the people. i know i don't want to ride magnolia fragrance again. but if it was the only choice i have, then i will take it as my own saintly form of martyrdom

two days man. and a week after, i live to tell the tale. am almost about ready to laugh. but that would be for next week maybe.

(beautiful tawi-tawi next on the cross eyed bear)