nung bata pa ako

This is the longest I’ve stayed in a job. I’ve been working for Assisi for the last two years seven months and 13 days. I lasted two years as a staff for Jesuit Volunteers Philippines and only a year in advertising.

These were jobs I never imagined having when I was a child. Hello, are those even real work to a child? They know doctors, lawyers, teachers and even priests. But what the hell do they know about copywriters or program officers. Hell, I didn’t know about them until I got to college.

Having been a reckless youth even way back in elementary, I thought I’d be a TV reporter or news anchor. Though my greatest dream was to either become a ninja or a warrior princess (and that was before Xena, mind you!). As long as I get to kick ass and fight evil, I’d take that job. I practiced my kung-fu with Jacky Chan and the drunken master, practicing pull-ups on our kalachuci tree and climbing the gates when mom wasn’t around.

All the more did my fascination with becoming a ninja grow when I found a shieruken (how do you spell that anyway) by the walls of my ballet school. Yeah, I took ballet since it could help with my agility and flexibility, especially when running over roofs. Unfortunately, no matter how carefully I hid the shieruken, my mom threw it away thinking that such is not a toy for children. (But ma, that was my weapon against evil!!! How could you!?)

I did grow up a bit and discovered there were no ninjas in our village or anywhere in the Philippines to learn the tricks of the trade from. My brother broke to me the tragic truth that ninjas were made in Japan, and I’d have to travel all the way there to get the tutelage I’d have needed to pursue my aspirations to be a great ninja warrior princess (I figured I should focus my dreams so instead of wanting to be a ninja OR a warrior princess, I should be a ninja warrior princess.). Having neither passport (until now) nor visa, nor permission from my mother, I couldn’t have left for Japan.

So I decided when I grow up, I’ll be Peter Pan, even if I was Wendy when we role-played Disney’s Peter Pan in nursery school. My heart leapt with joy when I discovered that women always portrayed Peter Pan during stage plays. But at the same time, I didn’t care for stage plays. I was going to BE Peter Pan.

But JM Barrie did say “all children but one grow up.” And Peter Pan already took that slot. So I just pretended to be Peter, defying growing up as much as I could, stretching my childhood, maintaining that inquisitive wonder as much as I can. And those were great days trying to be Peter Pan. Though for some reason, people seem to see me more as Tinkerbell.

Then one day, I am neither Peter nor Tink. I become a Wendy all grown-up and responsible. Bills started piling up and deadlines start coming in. Traffic is bothersome and taxes are a pain. I’d wonder where Peter went and who was this chunk of fleshy female he left behind? Was Neverland never was?

Suddenly, I realized amidst all those rumble and tumble of responsibilities I have forgotten to breathe. And when I took that deep breath, the rush of oxygen was exhilarating. Like the world is suddenly so clear again.

Hey, I should let Peter go and let him spend time with other children to inspire their own imaginations. It is the little child that was me that I should set free. That child who had such power of creation, who such hold on joy. I can have that again when spending time with kids and pets or sharing crazy laughter with friends… a little crazy good-natured fun will let that child breathe again!

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That is what I want to happen.
Easier said than done though.
But like a child, I still hope. ;)