the adverse effects of haw-ang

Haw-ang was explained in the movie as that time of the year when the weeds serve a purpose, as they are buried underneath the soil of the rice paddies to become part of the earth. In their absence, the water of the paddies shows a clear picture of heaven.

Sr. Adel, is a young nun was sent to a far-flung Benguet barrio to teach catechism to the children of the community. Typical of missionary stories, it took a while for the people to accept her, but once they did, she was well-loved especially to the once-elusive Dacmay.

I could very well relate to many scenes in the movie because of my experience in Bukidnon as a Jesuit Volunteer as well as my current job with indigenous people. The scene with the children bathing in the river was too close to home, with my own vivid memory of helping one of our community school teachers bathe the kids in the water and afterwards serving them a meal of pansit.

As Sr. Adela did her lobbying to the mayor for the construction of the community school, visions of our own struggles and those of our partners with political figures preventing them from putting up structures or even having an education program for the fickle reason that they are too little a constituency to make a dent in his election numbers appear in my mind. A mild anger brewed in me, at the level of selfishness these people have that just because they can not benefit it can not be done even if it is for the benefit of all.

Yet, while see the story of Haw-Ang unfold before me, up to the point of a Bro. Richie Fernando moment… I see a part of my past idealism I have let go off. Tears flowed not merely for empathy with the characters, but rather for a dream buried by troubles, concerns and bills.

Once in my life, I was Sr. Adela – a young idealist who could conquer the world with only a good heart and good intentions. Someone who’s hunger can be sated by the smiles of children and thirst quenched by a sense of belonging a strange land. Once in my life, I was content with a P1,500.00 monthly allowance because all I needed was faith and nothing more.

A part of me rationalizes (and believes) that there is honor doing duty. That sometimes the heart’s innermost desires have to take a back seat to fulfill obligation. That the goal of life is not necessarily to be happy, but to be good, to know and follow God’s will. And yet a smaller voice in me speaks up and says that God’s will is for my joy. And my joy is the fulfillment of my heart’s desires.

I got in the middle of the movie, so I ended with the beginning which was the concept of Haw-ang being explained. Ironically, it was a better ending for me as it now left me with nagging questions… Have I pulled the weeds and buried it under the soil to nourish me? Have I been reflecting a piece of heaven? Or am I too disturbed to show a beautiful sliver of blue sky?

And once I have the answers, either decision requires courage.