a sudden calm

for the last two weeks that i have been down with breathing problems (which the doctor attributed to mild asthma) and icky feeling of weakness, as well as the stress over school requirements... the tension was palpable. my heart constantly beat to a rhythm faster that appropriate. then last night, a sudden feeling of calm.

i got home.
no one was there.
mom in the US. the helper in school. our boarder still at work.
an hour from then, a frisbee game i wanted to be in would start.

i took the cold adobo and three spoons of rice (i'm not a rice person) and heated them in the microwave.
i ate and went to my mom's room (where i have been camping in since she left), opened the TV to Ysabella, got my books out and started working on the easier assignment.

and then a sudden sense of calm.
i can do this. i can do my paper for school. i can do my presentation for work. i can do my other paper for the end of july.
i can take care of myself. i can be with people. i can be on my own.
i can have peace in the silence of my home.
i enjoy being with people. but i can be with myself.

a sudden sense of calm.
everything will be all right.
my family.
my friends.
my work.
me.

all will be all right.
a sudden sense of calm.
and the scent of something new.

i wonder.

but i will not linger on the thought.